First day at work !!

So .. I just joined a company last month .. I prefer not to say the name but u can rest be assured that it is the best company in its category (and no, I am not bragging! ) .. anyway .. like all new employees we all had to go thru the most boring process in the whole world i.e. induction. For those who are not familiar with the term; it is just the process where v have to sit on a chair for 9 hrs while various people come in and talk bull **** about the company, about how lucky we are to have joined the organization etc. You could be working for the best company in the world but there is nothing that they can do to make this procedure any better.

So like always, I was late to this formality (that too on my very first day) and I was to made to sit in the first row. I have always been a back bencher my whole life and sitting in the front row was quite an experience. For starters, u can’t just doze off cuz u r sitting right under the guy-who-is-talking’s nose and second, these people always point to the front row people and ask them questions; and its kinda embarrassing when u don’t answer these questions. Thirdly, U can’t eat chips or chappati or fried rice when you are hungry. I could go on about the disadvantages for days.

Long story short- I came late on the first day, I had to sit in the first row and I was forced to listen to whatever the guy-who-was-talking was talking. So, I was sitting and day-dreaming about what I would do If I become the ceo of this company when these words caught my attention. I had even made a note of this in my notepad (with my pen and not on the pc). The guy was talking about my medical plan, insurance n stuff and this is what he said,

“you would get 4 times ur pay on your death and it would be raised to 6 times depending on the criticality of the situation.”

OK. There were a couple of things running through my mind after this.

1. What the hell does he mean criticality of the situation?? Am I not dead already ?? or does he think someone will sing a song and I will be alive (like in most Indian movies.)

2. How can I get maximum pay on my death? Suppose I am walking down the street and I get stabbed. I actually have to tell him to stab me a couple of more times, so I can get the maximum pay (cuz obviously stabbed a couple of times is more “critical” then stabbed just the one time.)

3. What the hell will I do with that money after I am dead?? He was going on about this for about an hour. And I was like, ”seriously, dude, I am not gonna be there to enjoy that money, why don’t u save all that bull**** to the person who get my money”.

Taking people through induction was this guys job, u’d think that he’d be better after all these years. But then, who is complaining (apart from me, of course)?